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DATE SMART IN FIVE STEPS: DON’T SETTLE FOR LESS THAN A FRIEND.
“If you have never dated before and wish to be prepared, to fall in love; if you feel that you are now at a stage where you wish to start forming a special relationship with another person; if you have been in a difficult romantic relationship before, and you got so hurt that fear and painful memories prevent you from trying to date again and if you are a parent, a care giver or a friend, looking for additional tools to share with your loved one – This book is for you.
Dating is a trial and error exercise where the main objective is to recruit a special friend – a person who validates you and watches your back and does not bully you in anyway shape or form. A person with who you can disagree with and still go out for a bite to eat. It is like a farmer who is totally in charge of his/her farming business and takes time and effort to prepare the field and to anticipate and plan for bad weather so he/she will have a good harvest.
Drawing from nature, I emphasize the importance of taking ownership of and responsibility for your dating at all times. I encourage you to draw up an inventory of your inner strengths from within yourself and your outer strengths from those around you. These strengths will help you invest effectively and with confidence in your dating journey. I offer tips on identifying and managing selected obstacles like fear, unresolved grief from previous trauma or loss and misplaced assumptions that may complicate you dating. I stress the importance of being on the lookout for potential predators. I highlight the significance of concisely writing down and refining, from the outset, the reason for your dating and what you expect when you start dating (your dating objectives). I lead you through the process of selecting, actual dating process and how best to review the outcome of each outing. “Why Am I continuing to reap tears and misery when my dating objectives were to experience “laughter and to feel validated?”
LIFE EXPERIENCES
Sisy, in her mid-forties, always believed it wasn’t appropriate for a woman to initiate dating. She feared that if she initiated the date, she would be misunderstood and labeled a slut, cheap or a woman without morals. She believed that her role was to work on her poise and to wait until “Mr. Right” came along and swept her off her feet. She remained a proud spinster.
One day, a close friend challenged her, “If you went into a grocery store to buy chicken for dinner, would you simply stand in the middle of the store and hope the chicken jumps from wherever it is, into your basket or would you look for a self-service counter so you could pick a chicken up?” Sisy got the message and decided to work on abandoning her restrictive gender modesty. That was when she started directing her dating journey.
