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COMFORT YOUR CHILD: Don't Let a Bully Steal your Child's Dream
This book is for parents and caregivers of children who are targeted and abused by a bully.
Dr. Ekisa, will share with you additional tools and insights to help you comfort, support and empower your child to: feel comforted and secure by drawing from his/her inner resources and from his/her ‘network of supporters’; start living again by taking ownership of his/her healing; stop being preoccupied with the bully’s nastiness or the bystanders that do nothing by learning to be “my wellness-focused” and be free of the bully’s stranglehold by denying the bully the power to define your child.
This book doesn’t focus on the bully nor deal with, the bully’s sympathizers, accomplices or unhelpful bystanders. Any other reasons for you or your child to focus on the bully such as appealing to the bully’s sense of fair play, teaching him a lesson or seeking revenge, must remain subservient to your responsibility to ensure that your child recovers from the pain caused by the bullying and moves on. For example, when your child is tripped by a pothole on the side of the road and falls to the ground, you don’t rush to dig up the road nor do you run to complain to the municipal authorities right away. First and foremost, you call for and seek help as a matter of urgency and attend to your child’s gashed shin and bleeding forehead. Even if he has only had one small run-in with a bully, it’s good to know what to do to immediately halt the situation from escalating. This book will guide you through the steps of healing and moving on.
LIFE EXPERIENCES:
Anne was a fifteen- year old girl who was bullied by a group of three girls for over a year. The bullies had convinced her that she was awkward, didn’t know how to talk properly and was an embarrassment. Bystanders fuelled the abusive behaviour and over time, Anne was afraid to go out onto the school play area in case she met with more ridicule. She also lost confidence and never raised her hand in class to answer questions. Her grades fell from being above average, to average. She, however, continued to excel in sport, especially in soccer, and was the leading goal scorer in the group. On the soccer field, her skills and confidence shone. She was a star player.
Her healing started when she identified the strengths that she used in soccer (quick thinking, dexterity, confidence, team work, assertiveness; directing other players where to pass the ball, her leadership and people skills, supportive teammates, etc.). She reminded herself that she used to be bubbly at home and with her friends before the bullying took hold of her. It was pointed out to her by her parents that she actually continued to be the same person with the same strengths on the soccer field. These were the strengths and skills that she could use to claw herself from the clutches of the three bullies. Her awareness of this fact allowed her to start believing that she had not lost all her confidence. She could still use this confidence at school as well.
Gradually, her belief in her inner abilities grew. Her confidence on the soccer field spread to the school yard and classroom. She started to say “no” to the fear that had led her to believe that she didn’t have any confidence and was an awkward person. She started to answer questions from the teacher and went out onto the school grounds whether the bullies and their cronies were there or not. She reclaimed her strength, her place in the classroom and on the school grounds. She had reawakened her desire and ability to study and have fun while doing so – the same way she did on the soccer field. She had taken charge of her life and was now fully functional, in spite of the bullies who were irrelevant to her healing. She had become “my wellness focused.”
